


Maybe I Got Stronger, Maybe I Got Indifferent.

by K1mHeechu1



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Quarantink Challenge, Sad, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:28:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24264358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/K1mHeechu1/pseuds/K1mHeechu1
Summary: For a long time, I wanna be with thoseWho don’t give me a scoreAmong all the countless ratingsSo I can go through the whump of a lonely daySo I can live completely as myself.Dynamic Duo, Chen- nosedive
Comments: 6
Kudos: 15





	Maybe I Got Stronger, Maybe I Got Indifferent.

**Author's Note:**

> Quarantink prompt 52- Bottomless.

_ Sometimes, it feels so meaningless _

_ I wonder why I live _

_ Where am I going? _

_ I put on a mask _

_ I use my fake name _

_ I wonder if that’s really m _ e

It’s storming outside. He’s glad. He’s always loved storms.

He’s always loved the wind, and listening to the rain fall. 

He closes his eyes, waiting for the effects to begin.

Finally.

He’s finally there.

He’s finally going to be free.

He had started becoming nervous when ten minutes passed and nothing happened, but now he can feel it.

He knows what’s coming.

He can’t wait for it to come.

He can’t wait to stop falling into the bottomless pit of love and hate and pain and gold and silver and comments he doesn’t care about.

He can’t wait to stop living an empty life he tries to fill with medals that fall into the void inside his heart.

He can’t wait to not be.

He makes the right choice, lying down on the floor instead of the bed, knowing that if he trashes or moves someone might hear and find him before he’s gone.

He’s left all his things nicely fixed. His will on the table, letters for the people he considers too important to go without having said goodbye to, the clothes he wants to be dressed in neatly arranged on top of the mattress with instructions.

He’s ready.

Drowsy.

He’s really drowsy.

He smiles that brilliant smile, a real one, one of those he hasn’t been able to produce in a while.

His chest starts getting tight, but he ignores it. He’s had asthma attacks that have felt worse than this.

He is so tired. So extremely tired.

The rain keeps falling, the drops hitting the window lulling him into sleep.

He takes a breath, as deep as he can, and lets it go.

He closes his eyes.

He can no longer hear the rain falling.

  
  
  


_ Close your eyes for a while _

_ You’ve had it hard for quite a while _

_ How hard must it have been? _

_ Just until the wind and rain pass _

_ Wait a moment, then go. _

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> If you are over 18 and want to come chat with me and a bunch of other amazing writers from the FS RPF fandom, consider yourself warmly invited to [our Discord server](https://discord.gg/DyxBV5mXg2), where we talk about figure skating, ships, plots, angst and fluff and kink, and a plethora of other topics.
> 
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/K1mHeechu1) (plz, I need more Twitter friends! It'd be nice to have more people to talk to!), [Instagram](https://instagram.com/k1mheechu1/) and [CC](https://curiouscat.qa/K1mHeechu1)


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